MOODY MOMS.
The intense range of emotions you'll experience after the birth can be bewildering.
Here's how to cope with the ups and downs of life with a new baby.
Alison Sampson couldn't wait to hold her new baby for the first time. She
was sure that she'd fall instantly in love with him or her and cope with giving
birth and motherhood as efficiently as she did with the demands of her high-achieving
career as a
clinical psychologist. But her expectations fell far short of reality.
"I'm used to working hard and getting results for my efforts, and thought
everything would be easy", says Alison, who was 31 at the time. But it
wasn't. Instead of the natural birth I'd planned, I ended up having a traumatic
vaginal breech birth. And when I saw
my baby son, I didn't feel the instant rush of euphoria or maternal love I'd
anticipated. I just felt oddly numb.
I hoped that I'd grow to love my baby, but all I felt was a sense of relief
when he went to sleep. He was a hungry baby too, and I was totally exhausted.
I felt an overwhelming sense of guilt and shame - like I'd failed to be this
perfect mother I was supposed to be.
I was reluctant to ask for help, because that would mean seeing another professional
in the field. My clinic sister suggested medication, but I didn't want to take
anything. Eventually, after about three months, I joined a mom and baby support
group, which helped. So did going back to work on a part-time basis.
Hormonal upheavals |  |
New mom, new you |  |
Moods, hormones and new moms. |  |
Reach out. |  |
Myths of life after baby. |  |
The bigger picture. |  |
Hormonal upheavals
Most new moms are familiar with moods swings triggered by out of control hormones. According to Alison, the KwaZulu Natal representative of the Postnatal Depression Support Association of South Africa (PNDSA), about 85 percent of all new moms are affected by baby blues. Of these, 30 percent will develop postnatal depression.
"The baby blues are a biological response to pregnancy and childbirth," says
Alison.
"This condition is very real and quite unique to new moms but, unfortunately,
is generally not given enough recognition by medical professionals."
"Most new moms aren't prepared for the intense range of emotions they
experience," says one understanding
gynaecologist. "They think they'll be totally thrilled with their new baby
all the time, and may feel guilty if they have any doubts or negative feelings
at all."
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New mom, new you
The birth of a first child is a life-altering event. As an article in the
PND newsletter puts it, "A new baby involves more changes than emigrating to
another country. Everything changes, your body, mind, responsibilities, relationships,
career and financial status."
Initially, it can be quite overwhelming to know that you're responsible for
a helpless newborn 24 hours a day. Nothing is easy at first, and you're constantly
wondering if you're doing the right thing, or whether baby is OK. It's no wonder
you're feeling exhausted and confused. All these changes would be stressful
even
if you were getting eight hours sleep a night.
Says Liz Mills, Founder-President of the PNDSA, "It's important to remember
that expectations very often don't live up to reality, and that the birth of
a mother may not happen at the same
time as the birth of the baby."
"This may sound strange, but many first-time moms don't feel like moms
immediately. All they know is that they feel very different, almost like a
new person, and they're right. This is a new you, and it may take time to adjust
to a new life."
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Moods, hormones and new moms.
Most women, and medical professionals too aren't fully aware of the crucial
role hormones play at peak transitional phases in the average woman's reproductive
cycle.
Says Liz Mills, "Research shows that the areas of the brain in which female
reproductive hormones act are also the areas involved in mood stability regulation."
Specific brain chemicals are involved in the emotional symptoms that women may experience in their reproductive years, particularly serotonin.
Oestrogen, the main hormone released by the ovaries has a pronounced effect on serotonin, and on the communication of nerve cells in the brain.
"Many women's emotional problems are related to PMS, pregnancy, infertility
treatment and menopause. It follows that there are certain high-risk periods
in a woman's life. For example, 10 percent of women will be depressed during
pregnancy. Many of these will experience a worsening of the symptoms after
birth."
Huge hormonal changes take place during and after childbirth, which can alter
biochemical pathways. Oestrogen and progesterone levels are highest at the
end of pregnancy, but plummet after the birth. The oestrogen receptors work
on the area of the brain, which governs emotion, so it's not surprising that
this rapid drop affects so many vulnerable women.
Progesterone also takes several days to normalise after delivery, which may
contribute to feelings of anxiety. There's also a shift in thyroid-hormone
activity, and some women who experience depression do, in fact, have abnormal
thyroid functioning. Even when this is corrected they're still likely to need
treatment for depression.
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Reach out.
In a recent UK study, researchers found that postnatal care tailored to individual
women's needs could help identify and reduce depression among new moms. Research
published in the medical journal, The Lancet, found extending midwife visits
and using checklists to identify common symptoms could help ward off postnatal
depression.
Says Professor Christine MacArthur, and epidemiologist at the University of
Birmingham, who led the research team, "We know that women have health problems
after childbirth and are often misidentified. The form of care delivered is
able to identify missed problems and actually make a difference."
She added that the children of mothers suffering from postnatal depression often develop behavioural, developmental and emotional problems too- these often last for a long time.
If you're feeling alone or anxious, the best remedy is reaching out. Find,
or form, a group by calling women from your antenatal class, or chatting to
other moms while you're at the clinic or waiting in your doctor's rooms. You'll
also find support group contact details in your community newspaper.
However, if you're experiencing feelings of profound sadness, hopelessness,
and a sense of detachment from baby and the rest of the world, it's important
to seek professional help. Postnatal depression can be effectively
treated.
Above all, try to remember that this time will pass. Soon, you'll experience
the pride and joy that comes with loving your baby - and knowing
that you're being the best mom you possibly can.
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Myths of life after baby.
Research carried out in the UK on women's expectations of birth and the period
following revealed five commonly held myths. Once you are able to identify
these, you can sidestep the trap of thinking that.
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The bigger picture.
In addition to hormones, many other factors play their part in mood disorders.
One of these is a traumatic birth, or one that didn't go as planned. Others
include, a genetic predisposition: depression is often hereditary.
Traumatic experiences at critical ages: These include difficult events early on, bereavement and unresolved grief.
Bonding is automatic: most pregnant women expect to experience a rush of maternal
feelings the moment they see their babies. This is the exception rather than
the rule. Love often grows with getting to know your baby. Many moms feel awkward
and unsure in the first weeks of caring for their babies. Every mom is different
too - some enjoy the new baby stage, others enjoy the later stages more.
You'll feel happy all the time: There'll be times when you feel exhausted,
confused, overwhelmed, angry or frustrated, when baby won't feed or sleep -
especially in the middle of the night.
Breastfeeding is natural and easy: Some babies are easy to feed, but there
are often initial problems, such as sore breasts or a lazy feeder, until you
establish a routine. These problems are only temporary, and you'll soon sort
them out with the help of a breastfeeding counsellor.
You can do it all: This isn't really possible or wise. For the first two
months you need to concentrate on getting to know your baby and her needs,
and making sure that you get enough rest. You'll need practical help for domestic
chores and emotional support for yourself.
Accept offers of help that come your way, or actively seek out assistance (see When you need help).
After six weeks your sex life will return to normal: It usually takes much
longer than six weeks before you feel in the mood. Apart from feeling exhausted,
baby's demands may take all your energy, and your partner needs to understand
that "not tonight, darling" doesn't mean you no longer love and desire him.
The unique mother-daughter relationship: The quality of a woman's own experience
of being mothered can affect her ability to adjust to her new role.
Issues like self esteem: The desire to achieve and the need for recognition, add to the pressure of doing it right.
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